It's been a while!!!

Older now haven't posted anything for almost 2 years now. Trying to find myself in a world that is to messed up to live in. I'm tired of all the rude, violent, evil people that live on this planet and it seems that the more years that go by the more evil people become. We are never going to advance as a planet with all this war and violence everyone seems to possess. Think how far we could go if we stopped fighting and bitching and just started helping one another. I would give my last dollar to anyone that needed it. I have done it before several times. I give to anyone in need. I have had people that need a place to live stay with me without even thinking twice about it. But instead of a thank you I am used and thought of as weak. How am i weak if I want to help the world and the people who live on it? To tell you the truth i wish everyone on this planet was more like me then we would actually live in peace with no violence. A world i will never know but wish it could be.... What is wrong with people?

depressed valley

My husband has changed and I am so confussed about what to do. I asked him to try marriage councelling but he said HELL NO. I feel trapped because if i was to leave where would i go. I have no money, no career, just my two babies. what am i suppose to do. I think i love him but he says such hurtful things. he says he loves me but if that was true then why would he hurt me so. so confussed and hurt. jessi

fiction/ nonfiction

The love you read about in books and see in movies isn't real. it's a fantasy.... nice to believe in but not real. I use to believe in love but not anymore. The fighting and the threats are to much for me. People change and the "love" dies. the pain is real but just like love, it faded's with time and then you look back and you don't remember why you loved that person in the first place. You really only remember the bad times, maybe some good but the bad usually wins. I can't even remember the good times anymore. But what was I thinking, I can't even take care of myself let alone someone else. So now i'm trapped in a marriage of hate and evil, hurtful words trying to remember how happy we use to be. But what was is gone and never coming back. And the pain is the only thing that fells real anymore. What am i still doing here. jessi

life as a real army wife... Its nothing like the tv show.

OK maybe it is like the TV show since I don't have any interest in watching it. I live the damn life why would i ever want to watch actors who just read scripts try to re-enact my life. Try being shipped of to Hawaii when your hubby is only and E-4 getting paid just enough to survive. Ah living i paradise and can't leave the house. Bet they don't have that shit on ARMY WIVES. If you haven't noticed by now I love to bitch and if there was a career for that i would be so made for it. jessi the professional bitcher. I like it. well I've think I've done enough bitching for today. jessi

About me

I find myself lost and confused at 24. I've been to college 5 times now and still no degree. Which isn't to suprising since i've never been able to complete anything. I'm the wife of an Infintry man in the US Army and already, at 24, have to beautiful boys. The only thing I have ever been good at is drawing but even that is amiture work. i have a record for only holding a job for a year.. Really i have had 8 jobs from the age of sixteen and nothing has ever come close to being what i want to do. I would love to be a tattoo artist but the cost to just apprentice is around $10,000. And you have to pay it up front. I'm from Georgia but now live in hawaii. Always broke cause the army doesn't pay enough out here to live. i hate living paycheck to paycheck. i don't even have enough after bills and food to save. its makes me want to scream. i would love to get a job but child care out here is way to much to even think about. Plus we will be leaving in December so whats the point. And yeah i know I sound like a child crying out for attention but you know thats really one thing i can say i'm a pro at doing. I tried my had at writing a novel. Got 12 chapters done too but the fear of rejection made me stop. i am so jealous of my husband for having a career, and it sure doesn't help that he throws it in my face every chance he gets. i was put on this earth to do something but what????? i don't think I'll ever finish anything. And then when i'm old and gray I'll look back at my life in disappointment. What am I here for?? jessi